I am at a loss -- I can't stop thinking about a man with whom I had a brief but intense relationship. He lives far away and is married. I know what happened between us was inappropriate and I want to move on. It's been over a year since we have seen each other and no other prospects are in sight for me.
I don't like the idea of online dating and I live in a small town where single middle-aged men are a rarity. I'm very lonely, but have an active social life with my girlfriends -- my career is also very rewarding. I feel that time is running out for me and although I would never marry again, I would like a companion. How do I forget about this person? I was missing him so much today that I was tempted to call him, but refrained.
-- Temptation town
Dear Temptation
There have been a lot of questions around this topic lately. I don't understand how a person can knowingly have a relationship with someone who is married. That person has a spouse and possibly children sitting at home, while he/she is gettin' busy with someone else. But that is another column. The issue here is that you are lonely and so you keep going back to this relationship -- thankfully only in your mind.
If you aren't willing to look online, and you have no prospects where you live, your hands are pretty much tied. Are there truly no single men where you live, or are you maybe just a little unwilling to let go of your affair? As for the online dating scene, it varies. I have known people who have met the love of their lives on certain online matchmakers. I have also known some who still can't find true love. It doesn't just hit you on the head, you have to go and find it.
How about getting involved doing some volunteer work, or even a sport or activity you enjoy? Your chances of meeting someone will surely increase the more you are out and about in the community. Continue enjoying life on your "girlfriend outings" and expand your circle of friends and activities a bit, and you may hit the jackpot. Oh yes, and unless Mr. Philanderer shows up on your doorstep declaring his love, and telling you he left his wife -- with the final paperwork to prove it -- keep him safely tucked away where he belongs, in your memories.
Dear Robin
I worked with a lady for about three years and we became friends, or so I thought. She was very moody and may have been bipolar. She always thought she was right, and among the rest of us, we called her The General. She has two daughters, 28 and 24, both unmarried with kids. They would live with their boyfriends for a while, then have a fight and move in with The General.
One daughter had been a dope addict for a long time and got clean, and after more issue, she and the boyfriend and the little girl moved into The General's. Then she got pregnant again and the baby was born with a bad heart -- the cycle repeated itself, with suicide threats and pills. By this point, I had left my job with The General, but would have coffee with her sometimes and she would e-mail me or text me about this daughter. She would never ask "how are you" or about my family. One day my husband and I stopped to have lunch in the building where she worked. She saw me in line and came over and started talking about her daughter and the baby. She sat down with me and my husband and talked the whole time we were eating. My husband was so mad. After a few days I e-mailed her and said I did not want to be friends anymore, not to e-mail or text or phone me anymore, that it was always about her and her family and it was ignorant to do that to us while we were eating. Is there any hope at all for that family? I liked the whole family, but it was too much over and over again with the same thing. I feel sorry for The General, as she doesn't have her own life as she is so heavily involved with their lives. read more
